This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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