Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize