what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
it's like iHOP with fire
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
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He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
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It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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