Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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