In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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