So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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