I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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