Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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