I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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