I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
