I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Randomize
