The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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