I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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