I faked an abortion last night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
