the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
