you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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