Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
