Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
