Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
