there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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