I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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