can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
