dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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