The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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