So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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