omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
