One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
