Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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