Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
