you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
