I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
