:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
