She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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