Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
May the power of my ass compel you!!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize