is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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