I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize