i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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