I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
