How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
