so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
