I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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