Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
