listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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