hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
