did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
