her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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