Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
