someone get that fucking seahorse.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
