if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
