the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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