So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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