The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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