and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
