I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
