C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
