I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
