she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
