Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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