I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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