i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
