He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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