I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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