we're blogging at a bar
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
