Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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