so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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