did you get engaged???
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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