I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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