Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
