I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
