Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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