my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
