So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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