Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
