On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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