I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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