i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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